1,000 Jokes for Auto Aficionados

There is no joke book like this - - 1,000 jokes blended with 100 humorous illustrations. Auto enthusiasts will love the specific references to all kinds of automobiles and drivers, foreign and domestic, test drivers and race car drivers. We start with Henry Ford's early cars and cruise through the decades with collector cars on up to modern vehicles. Drivers include rednecks, good ol' boys, seniors, and even dogs! We cover surprising myths about the beginnings of the auto in America. A quiz will test whether you are "older than dirt", and we tickle your funny bone about Henry Ford. New commandments are presented on how to keep your marriage intact. Older drivers will recollect humorous Burma Shave signs about safe driving. Younger drivers are now exposed to funny billboards, outrageous roadway signs, witty bumper stickers and clever vanity tags. Tom McCahill was the most creative automobile writer who ever lived and tested cars. Besides his pithy humor (we quote 23 of his remarks on cars), he is also credited with the 0-60 acceleration measurement and the phrase "idiot lights" for dash gauges. We then give you eighteen selected humorous quotations about racing from well-known drivers, as well as my racing jokes. Drivers can be passionate about car brands, and equally hate other brands. Hence, the "CADILLAC" acronym might mean "Cowboys And Doctors Insist Ladies Love American Cars", "FIAT" could mean " Feeble Italian Automotive Trouble", and "YUGO" is "Yugoslavian Useless Goofy Oddity" to some. Enjoy over 70 other acronyms for specific brands, finished off with and brand-specific jokes by the author. Every auto aficionado loves tools, whether handy with them or not. Twenty-two common garage tools receive the author's humorous descriptions, with some Trosley TOOL BOX 'TOONS to illustrate them. Next come a big batch of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Redneck if..." comical remarks. Immediately following is the author's new concept of "Good Ol' Boy," an alternate creature described in my jokes, nuances of speech, popular songs, and cartoon images. Everything I say is a true fer certin' fact, at least until the Fed'ral guv 'mint spends 10 million clams on a national survey to prove me plug fer shure wrong. "Higher Powers" are described as spirits or beings (such as God) which have great power, strength, knowledge, etc. that can affect nature and the lives of people. Here, we take a comical look at fictitious folks who attempt to negotiate life, death, wealth, or power with higher entities. Also, In a more "down to earth" realm, enthusiasts must risk daily encounters with police, judges, clerks at the motor vehicle administration, firemen, drunks, and thieves. We have all dealt with mechanics. From them, some of us get no respect (like Rodney Dangerfield). Some of us don't trust them, overpay them, ridicule them, and/or admire them. All aficionados must also deal with doctors, druggists, and nurses. Auto enthusiasts interact daily with their families and friends, and humor with them enriches our lives. Our cruisers also have absurd encounters at car shows, on tour buses, with on-line dating sites, and at swap meets, car auctions, and at race tracks. Comical encounters occur with genies, talking parrots, weirdos, gearheads, naïve Minnesota farmers, Russians, crows, old biddy ladies, Army generals, squirrels, hitchhikers, alligators, farmers, God impersonators, bus drivers, frogs, and goats. Encounters even occur at watering holes ( "a man walked into a bar...") with automotive punch lines. Of course, woman and man's best friend is their dog, and would rather cruise with them than their spouses! Dogs can talk and drive and have uncanny under-standings of how vehicles affect our (and their) lives. Lastly, with wit and wisdom is given to all, and humorous advice is given to automotive writers.

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