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Not many men buy tampons. Even fewer buy them and write slogans about them in the hope of winning a car.
But for Tim Wembury, it's just a normal part of his life. As is buying 99 tins of cat food just to get the entry-forms on the labels (he doesn't have a cat) and winning a year's supply of nappies (he doesn't have a baby).
Like many compers, his hobby of entering consumer competitions can pay off, sometimes handsomely, as he's won a car, cash, and a house full of smaller prizes.
But Tim is anything but happy. What's the point in being able to win almost anything if you can't win the one thing you want most in the world: the heart of a woman?
Tim's torture is intensified when he meets Dilly, the sexy young thing from the pet food company's head office.
Is she really interested in him, or is she just being nice to him because that's her job? And why does she come to his rescue at that excruciating winner's press conference, only to let him down the moment the cameras stop rolling?
But Dilly's shilly-shallying is the least of Tim's problems.
He's just landed the top prize in a competition he wasn't supposed to win, and sinister forces are out to ensure he doesn't live to enjoy it
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