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Everything I'm about to tell you occurred exactly as I say. And I don't just mean the stuff about "Deadwood" High, and my fight with Carla Santini over the school play. I mean everything. Even the things that seem so totally out of this solar system that you think I must have made them up like crashing the party after Sidartha's farewell concert in New York they're true too. And nothing's been exaggerated. Not the teeniest, most subatomic bit. It all happened exactly as I'm telling it.
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