Definitions for Living

The ability to communicate through the use of words is one of the major skills that distinguishes humans from other creatures. Having a formal language which can be spoken and written has allowed people to create emotional and practical bonds between themselves and others which can transcend not only time and distance but physical and cultural barriers as well. With this unique ability to communicate through language, humans have been able to accomplish what no other creatures could ever accomplish. Although language is clearly a blessing in many ways, it can itself become a barrier to good communication. Words can provide understanding, intimacy and the ability to achieve commonly shared goals, but they can also produce confusion, hostility and painful consequences when used inappropriately or irresponsibly. As a psychotherapist and family counselor for the last twenty-five years, I have become acutely aware of the power of words to both confuse and clarify, to hurt and heal. Over this time I have noticed that certain words and concepts seem to appear repeatedly in conversations between marriage partners, business associates, and other people attempting to develop effective and rewarding relationships. I have discovered that the various meanings and applications of these words and ideas are often at the root of the problems people experience in their business and personal lives. A significant part of the therapy I do with my clients is to help them clarify for themselves and then for others what they mean by what they say. As an extension of my work over the years, I have written a number of articles about some of the more commonly misundertood words and ideas over which my clients were having conflict. As I have shared the articles with them and with others in workshops and seminars, I have often been asked to make them available to others outside my office. This book is the result of those requests. It is a book of " working definitions." You will find that, in this book, my basic approach to defining a word will be somewhat different from that used in a standard dictionary. A typical dictionary, out of necessity, must usually limit a word's definition to a brief, generally accepted meaning and then provide synonyms and antonyms of that word, along with some examples of how the word can be used in a sentence. For my purposes, I will define a word or explain a concept so that it can be more completely understood and thus more effectively applied in everyday life. I have found that providing a more thorough description of a word or idea is usually more helpful for real-world use than a technical vocabulary definition. Some chapters fit specifically within the book's title. They "define" a particular word, such as selfishness or forgiveness, and expand on the working definition to make it a useable concept for real-world relationships. Other chapters are included, not so much to define a concept as to provide additional skills for relating well to others. These chapters fit appropriately within the sub-title of the book, for they, too, are some of the ideas that define our lives. Chapter 4, for instance, will help you know how to respond when someone does not believe you. Chapter 16, Negotiation Skills, will help you understand the idea of negotiation more than define it for you. The meanings and applications of some of these words and concepts may differ at times from what you and I were taught about them growing up. Some who read this book may disagree with my "definitions" altogether, for here again, we know that language is often a matter of interpretation more than scientific fact. In my attempt to help people make sense out of these ideas and words, I have found that these "workable meanings" have helped them to communicate better with others and to live their lives more effectively. I trust that my approach does no disservice to our language, but in fact enhances it.

Dettagli