For Love of Laura

After work, I went and got signed in at a gym. Guys who workout at a gym, think that a five foot nine inch guy must be a wimp.
I'm a five foot nine inch tall freak. I weigh about 195 pounds of lean muscle. I get dressed for a workout. I wear a spandex workout outfit that fits me like a second skin. I go to a central spot in the work out area. I throw a maximum flex, actually several maximum flexes, to show off major muscle groups. I then walk from group to group of what are obviously hard core workout rats. I snarl, "I'm only five foot nine inches tall. Do any of you think that I'm too small to work out here?"
One of the guys says, "You got some kinda attitude."
I snarl, "What kinda resistance you got on the bench here?"
The guy says says, 250 pounds. Can you handle that?"
I snarl, "No, but if you can add 150 pounds to that, I can handle 400 pounds of bench resistance."
The guy and his buddies add 150 more pounds to the bench resistance. He snarls, you talk big, can you lift big?"
I mount the bench and scope out the bar. I grab the bar and do three righteous reps. I set the bar back on the rack and say, "I can do a bit more, but I just drove in from Denver and I'm maybe a bit stiff. If I go past 400 tomorrow, I'm gonna need a spot."
The guy laughs and says, "We're the Dudez, that's D.u.d.e.z. Welcome to the group."
I say, "Yeah, Dudez, good place. I'm scared of wimps. It's catching, you know."
The guy introduces himself as Mike and I give him my name, Jim Olg. Then Mike goes around the group. He then tells me, "You one of the Dudez, you don't need to worry about wimps. On the other hand you do need to worry about Louise."
This very fit looking lady walks up, gets in my face and snarls, "I'm Louise, the Manager here. We don't need trouble here. I tolerate the Dudez, because they don't quite cause trouble. If you want to work out here, you don't cause trouble. Do you got that?"
I turn to Mike and ask, "Does she eat human flesh."
Mike laughs and says, "Louise, looks like you got another attitude case, here. He walked right up and insulted me." (Mike thumb points to his own wide chest.)
Louise sighs and sneers, "If the gym didn't need the dues so bad, I would get rid of the lot of you ego cases." The lady then turns and walks back to her office.
Mike says, "Okay, orientation. The next step is the gold lady wedding ring lecture. If a lady got a wedding ring, she out of bounds, even if she got a wimp husband."
I sigh, "I left Denver, obviously part of Denver followed me."
Mike laughs, "Some wimp camped on equipment. You just tell him move it! You don't add faggot or queer."
I sigh and ask, "It's maybe some kinda religious thing?"
Mike laughs, "There's no damn reason for it, it's just gym policy."
I ask, "There's a hot looking babe doing the step, spin, kick thing. She got no wedding band."
Mike winces, "Laura can't bench 400 or even 300. She can't curl 120, but Laura's tongue is a deadly weapon."
I say, "She works over near where I work, a couple of buildings down."
Mike says, "Yeah, she's an educated Financial Analyst. She can call ya an asshole, without using the word"
I sigh, "What ever happened to the sweet old fashioned girl?"
Mike says, "That's like the reasonable woman or the smart blonde, there aint no such thing."
I say, "Not to worry, I got a plan."

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