"Episodes of a sick terror used to afflict my deepest childhood. I clung to Mum for a portion of her sanity, obsessed by the notion of being stifled and tortured. My brain yielded nothing but impressions of empty rooms and dust-motes glimmering against the window with only the hissing of the water-tank in the loft to make a sound."
For fifty years, I had believed my intrusive thoughts were attributed to a chaotic, dysfunctional family of warring parents and mental illness. In fact, something bizarre and horrific has happened to me of which I had remained unaware for almost five decades. I wish to share my incredible true story in the hope of offering some insight into how trauma has impacted upon the psychology of a young child.
This is not a biography or a family chronicle, but describes a gash running through the heart of my life. A page-a-day diary I kept in the seventies and eighties has been used as part of this account.
The subject of this book has been described accurately. Names of people, places and certain details have been changed in order to protect identities and I am writing under a pseudonym.
Contains adult content. Certain readers may find some of the content unsettling.