When I was a little boy growing up in Silver Mountain, I always loved the beauty pageant at the Christmas parade.
After they crowned the Sleigh Queen, horses would pull the gorgeous woman in her sparkling crown down Main Street, as she waved at all of us with the brightest smile.
When I came home, I would sneak into my mother's closet to wrap myself in all the shimmering sequined gowns I could find. That was my happy place.
Now, fast forward a few decades and I work at the local drag bar, barely managing to pay my bills no matter how much I lip-sync my heart out. And honey, there isn't a cute boy around for miles who would be interested in someone like me.
Life is looking bleak until my bestie gives me a crazy idea. Crazy.
She says I should compete in the beauty pageant for the $50k prize. As Vixen, my stage personality. I want to brush it off as ridiculous, but deep in my heart, the idea makes the little boy inside me giddy with excitement. The prize money wouldn't hurt. And neither would catching the eye of the handsome gay fashion guru and reality TV star judging the pageant.
Maybe I don't stand a chance. My boobs and hips are only stuck on with glue.
But my name is Rudolph. And honey, we all know who Santa chooses to guide his sleigh at night.