Summary of Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Intimacy

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Sample Book Insights: #1 Intimacy is defined as the ability to be who you are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. It requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable in a relationship. #2 Women are typically the ones who are concerned about upgrading their relationship skills, and this is because women are typically the ones who are responsible for maintaining relationships. Men are rarely concerned about improving their relationship skills, unless it will help them move up on the job. #3 Women are still defined by their connection to men and children, but we have gained knowledge about relationships that can help us understand and navigate them. We still depend on men for the validation and dissemination of our ideas, and we still cannot easily afford to alienate them. #4 The valuing of intimacy and attachment is an asset, not a liability. However, women have been taught to sacrifice the I for the we throughout history, just as men have been encouraged to bolster the I at the expense of responsible connectedness to others.

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