A candid, brutal memoir born of pernicious masculinity and misplaced loyalty. It interrogates the vagaries of abandonment, adolescence, mental health, self-medication, judgement, and the authenticity of feelings. His father got him a job as a mechanic, he wanted to be a dancer. Navigating into adulthood with the help of alcohol worked for a while; it just never occurred to him to stop and eventually narcotics would come along to solve what he oddly thought was the biggest problem of drinking.