First of all: forget everything you ever heard about him being a fat old guy who's never seen a razor.
I mean, think about it. Santa's an immortal. He's immortal. A god, basically. And I'm telling you, he looks like a god.
The guy is gorgeous.
Those things you've seen about the goofy red suit and the big jiggly belly? Most of it comes from a poem a guy wrote for his kids. "'Twas the night before Christmas." You know the poem I mean. And it's a nice poem. It's a timeless classic.
But the guy who wrote that poem? He'd never seen Santa.
He made it all up.
Me? I have seen Santa.
Don't get me wrong, though. I saw him ¿ but I'm not the one who found him.